Cherishing the Simple Days

There are weeks that feel so overwhelmingly busy you would think I was a soccer mom. Keeping our commitments and obligations during the week is always a challenge after long days at work and we seem to have a lot of them. As of late, John Paul has been working particularly hard, lots of hours, and is dead tired when he gets home. This past week had a lot of "extra" things thrown in. Most of the extra was social and fun, but even so, it can get so busy that even fun things are exhausting can't it? We had some great time with friends we rarely see early in the week, then it was on to getting ready for a house guest for 3 days, filling in for sound at church followed by a bachelorette party, a wedding, family get togethers...Whew! And I even opted out of some outings! Some sleep was definitely missed. Needless to say, by the time Sunday arrived we were ready to relax. 

I love the simple days, but I think they are probably even more appreciated after a long hard week. Reading a book, dozing off on the couch, looking at the weekly post secrets, lunch dates in your pjs, drinking a cup of coffee, listening to the rain... you come to a point where you cherish each tiny pleasure.

In addition to the laziness and rain, we did venture out a bit.

Our Borders is finally taking it's turn closing so I decided I wanted to go comb the isles for deals. It was chaos. Everything was on sale and only loosely organized (no computer system to find things). It was heaven in that every book I've ever wanted seemed to be on sale, and hell in the fact that there was no way I could ever find or afford everything. At one point I had a stack of 20 books and was contemplating whether or not I should go ahead and do my Christmas shopping there since all the DVDs, CDs, toys, and gift sets were also on sale. I ended up walking out with two books, so all in all a pretty successful (and not excessive) trip. We also had a nice lunch date and time with family last night (my Cranium team totally dominated).

But the bulk of the day was spent reading and napping...which was lovely. John Paul even got to hit some golf balls with his brother and dad, a rare event.

Anytime it rains, or I have time to just sit in the quiet alone, I fall into a contemplative state. John Paul's younger siblings are off to college in a week, more friends are getting married and announcing pregnancies, and I find myself constantly thinking about this whole getting older business... All the more reason to enjoy the simple days and the quiet moments.

---Noelle 

Oh and p.s. for those of you keeping me accountable about my August fitness goals---I've lost 10 pounds this month! Seriously, I was shocked, but I guess those small changes really did make a difference. It's pretty exciting motivation to set some bigger goals next month. :)

Cultivating.

Three days until moving day.

The McLaughlin family is in a whirlwind right now. Three big moves coming up. We move to our new apartment this week. John Paul's parents just bought a house and move in a month. And John Paul's older brother is moving his family back to the area from Connecticut shortly after that. Give us a truck and a snappy slogan and we could start a moving company.

I'm excited about the new apartment which is a definite upgrade from our current one (and much closer to our workplaces), but I'm afraid that we're going to fall into a move-once-a-year-cycle. I don't feel settled. This apartment fixes our current issues, but doesn't feel like we have room to grow. It works for us as a couple, but I can't see it working out once we start a family which means there is an inevitable move at some point in the next couple years. I'm not a huge fan of moving. I probably won't feel like a place is my own until we buy a house and feel a bit of permanence. But I have no idea where we'll be in a year, five years, ten years. We might not even be in Buffalo. Who knows?

I decided our new place needs plants. I want something alive in the house. I love being outside, and New York summers are the absolute best kind of summer. But in the winter, it'd be nice to have some of nature inside to keep things cheerful. The grand project I have in mind for this spring is to have a window box and plant flowers. I know very little about gardening so this may be an utter failure, but here's hoping I have a green thumb. There is something about working in nature that connects you with God and gives you a strong sense of accomplishment. 

I may be at risk of using a very cheesy gardening metaphor here, but the idea of cultivating has been on my mind so much lately.

Cultivating is the process of breaking up the soil in preparation for planting. This past year, I feel like God has been breaking up a lot of things in my heart and life. Being broken up is sometimes a little painful. I've felt lost, lonely, and unsure about where I'm suppose to be and what I'm suppose to be doing. It has been a year full of joy, frustrations and transitions. I'm so thankful for John Paul and the gift of marriage---I've never been alone. 

This time last year, almost exactly, I was engaged with no job prospects and no idea where I'd be going after graduation. It was terrifying and it all came together within a matter of a week. I had a job, I moved into my first apartment alone, I got married and change and transition were abundant. We started trying to figure out where we fit in in Buffalo and the process has seemed to drag out all year with small answers here and there but never the full picture.

I want so badly to cultivate stronger relationships with friends, to grow as a person and open myself up to whatever God wants for my life. To be honest, I've been thinking through a lot of things this past year. Things like what direction I should be heading in when it comes to ministry, personal growth, relationships, location, and starting a family. Maybe things are being planted that will grow into their fullness later, but after a year of cultivating and wondering, I'm hopeful that more answers are just around the corner. After all, growth is inevitable after cultivation.

Marriage, Babies, and other "Big Girl" Stuff

I regularly read a blog by a friend of mine's wife about her experiences with motherhood. She's a young mom. And I love her honesty. It's not an ultra-positive-motherhood-is-the-best-thing-that-ever happened-to-me kind of blog. It's not a negative-depressing-being-a-mom-sucks blog either. It's just honest. Honest about the struggle against selfishness that you must engage when you become a parent. Honest about how being pregnant does weird things to your body that aren't always pleasant or "glowing." Honest about how much she loves her kids. Honest about how terrifying it is was when she thought she was going to lose one of them. Parenting isn't always pretty. In fact, regardless of what Barnes and Nobles tells you, it cannot be covered in 300 page book on the subject. But I believe it is a wonderful thing.

The reason parenthood is on my mind is simply because it's a phase a lot of my friends and family are starting to enter. It's probably one of my next phases as well so naturally I am going to think about what it will be like to be a mom, when I might become one, and about babies in general.

There are lots of beliefs and opinions about when you should have babies, how many you should have, how you should raise them, etc. But I have no intention of addressing any of that here. Instead, let me share with you where my heart and mind have been lately.

I've been thinking about the phases we go through in life. The phase I'm in currently is that of being married but not a mother. I'm a wife. I feel oddly smashed between two phases of life: being single and being a parent. This phase tends to be short in the grand scheme of your entire life, but here I am.

A lot of my friends are getting married, but I'd say the majority are either still single, or parents. And I'm neither. But to be honest, socially, being married really isn't that much different from life before marriage. Sure there are differences in your actual relationship, but socially there's still a lot of freedom in marriage before you have kids. You can hang out with your friends on a whim. You can can go out when you don't feel like cooking. You can go away for entire weekends without telling a single person.

I don't want to say "I'm not ready for a baby" because that implies that if I were to find out I'm pregnant today, I'd panic or be upset. And that's simply not the case. I also don't want to say "I don't want a baby right now" because that is also not true. Honestly, most days I do. I have always looked forward to motherhood. I know there will be sacrifices and less freedom. I know that there will be joy, laughter, pain, worry, irritation and a difficult journey towards selflessness---one of those journeys where you never actually arrive at your destination, but mostly just visit. But what I don't know is when that phase of my life will start. I honestly have no idea.

But I think it's a pretty safe bet that if I live a long life, I'll probably be a mother for the majority of it.

And I want to appreciate each phase of life as it comes...every phase is different and unique. Every phase has its disappoints and struggles. Every phase has its perks and disadvantages, its highs and its lows. Every phase is the gift of life in a different packaging.

Marriage, like parenting, requires a lot of education in being selfless...but being a parent changes your life entirely. Well, it should. I believe it changes in a good way, but it is a big change none the less. One I look forward too. But since I don't know when that phase of my life will begin...I want to enjoy all the wonderful things about where I am now. The freedom. The flexibility. The extra investment and energy I can put into relationships around me. Naked Saturdays....just kidding. ;)

Every moment can be wonderful. And right now...certainly is.

Hi, Again.

I been thinking about the blogs that I enjoy reading. The ones that I always read in their entirety despite length. They seem to be the ones by people who I find interesting or that I am just interested in what is going on in their lives. I am in constant thought, so I have a tendency to write things that are lengthy and heavy---aka "rants." Those posts have triggered good conversations in community settings and I can't say I'll ever stop.

But here I am. In a really new place in life and very separate from most of the people I grew to love through the years. I just want to write about where I am in life...my day to day, my feelings, my new experiences. Maybe some of my invisible friends from long ago are silently reading and feeling some small connection to me still, interested in my life as it is now. Maybe some invisible stranger is reading and connecting to someone they hardly know. I've feel both of those things often.

So, hi again.