24 Week Update and the "What If's"

(Here's my poor quality make-shift bump picture for the week, haha.)

Continuing my little update survey that I stole...

How far along: 24.5 weeks

Baby's size: Over a lb, over a foot long, some would say cantaloupe-ish in size

Sleep: Still sleeping okay, but it's getting progressively more difficult to get comfortable 

Maternity Clothes: I cannot wear anything but maternity clothes at this point 

Food cravings: I just want to eat healthier than I am, no specific cravings

Food aversions: Not really

Symptoms I have: Newest symptom: SWELLING, I stopped wearing my rings about a week ago and last night my left ankle (yes just my left) was noticeably larger than my right

Doctor’s Appointment: See below

Movement: See below

Belly Button: Still an innie but not for long...

Gender: Boy! (Unless the doctor got it wrong...)

What I’m looking forward to: Setting up a baby room

What I miss: Alone time with my husband is already becoming a precious commodity

Well, I am over 24 weeks. Only 3 1/2 months until baby makes his entrance into the world. Yes...that's right...THREE AND A HALF MONTHS! I don't know about you, but that doesn't seem very far off. This pregnancy is flying by. I'm trying really hard not to run out and start making purchases and signing up for classes. I have a tendency to "jump the gun."

I have a pretty active baby. I've been feeling light kicks for a few weeks but John Paul only just finally felt the baby kick this past week. I also had my 4 week check up and little Mr. did not like the heartbeat monitor. No matter where it was on my belly he would give it a hard kick which I found pretty amusing.

Just a couple days ago I wrote about the weariness and worry that can accompany pregnancy. It's good to bear your soul sometimes and be reminded that its okay to have real feelings. Sometimes it does your heart a lot of good to just admit your fears out loud. Only hours after posting I found myself filling up with contentment as I had a much needed date night with my husband. (We saw What to Expect When You're Expecting---timely). I've been feeling more like myself the last couple of days.

I think every expectant mom, at one point or another, thinks about the "what if's". What if something goes wrong... What if I lose the baby... What if the baby is born and somethings is wrong...

A couple of weeks ago I had a 3 day stretch where I went from feeling the baby kick every day to not at all. And it scared me. I wasn't panicking but it was definitely in the back of my mind. My mom lost a baby to still birth. She was showing and had been feeling the baby kick for awhile and then all the sudden it just stopped. She didn't feel the baby moving anymore because the baby had died. Luckily for me, after about 3 days he started back up with a vengence and I was relieved. But it was a scary feeling.

I think the real fear is of the unknown. When you're struck by a tragedy, it's at least something tangible that you can feel the pain of and eventually find healing. Miscarriages are especially difficult regardless of when you lose the baby. But "what ifs" are a plague of endless possibilities...

I have a feeling that the "what ifs" are just something that come with motherhood and loving another person so deeply. While its not ever healthy to let worry consume you there is a certain amount that seems to come with the territory of being a parent when things are "off". You know, like when you leave your baby overnight for the first time...  When you daughter says she'll be home at 10 but its midnight and you can't get her on her cell-phone... When your son tells you he's being deployed to Iraq...

Yes, there will be many "what if" moments I imagine. Hopefully they will be few and far between as I trust the Lord with my child's health and future, but I know I will have them.

Oddly enough thinking about this just makes me smile. The love of a parent is a powerful, deep, scary, mysterious, beautiful thing. Isn't it?

The Gluten Myth?

Check out this post for my view on diets and health in general.

(Summary: Balance, Individuality and Grace)

The latest diet craze seems to be gluten-free eating. Ever since I first heard it popping up in everyday conversations I have been very skeptical. Why is gluten suddenly the enemy?

Now, admittedly, this is something I'm still researching. I've refrained from discussing it with people mostly because I don't know that much about it. If you can show me why gluten and wheat are detrimental to our health I'd be more than happy to listen, research and even change my opinion on the matter if the evidence is in your favor. But at the moment, I find the concept questionable.

I realize that there are people out there that can't do gluten because of specific dietary issues and restrictions. Whether it be crohn's disease, celiac disease, a wheat allergy or just gluten sensitivity---obviously sometimes gluten-free can be both necessary and healthy.

But in general? For the average person? I am not convinced.

I stumbled upon this article today and was intrigued by it's explanation for why people are going gluten-free. One reason that I've heard from people I know is that you'll lose weight. But it seems that isn't because gluten makes you gain weight so much as limiting your diet to gluten free cuts down your calories and often forces you to eat less processed foods (that use gluten as a binder).

Some quotes from the article:

"And then there's the idea that a gluten-free existence is the ticket to speedy weight loss. But...'there's nothing magical about a gluten-free diet that goings to help you lose weight.' What's really at work: Gluten-free dining can seriously limit the number of foods you can eat. With fewer choices, you're a lot less likely to overeat."

"This is where careful meal planning comes in, which may explain why some people feel so good when they go G-free: They're eating real food instead of ultraprocessed packaged fare."

Another article I read today talks about how one mom actually started gaining weight when she went gluten-free and found their gluten free lifestyle was not all all healthy.

Obviously this is just a couple of articles and there are plenty of people who disagree with it. Again, I think my challenge is for people to find balance with their eating habits rather than buy into extremes or fads. Diet crazes often have a lot of benefits but they rarely have absolute truth. There are usually healthy versions and unhealthy versions of most diets. You have to be able to recognize that and adjust accordingly to make sure no matter what sort of diet you have, you are getting the nutrients your body needs.

Personally, when it comes to the gluten debate, I am just skeptical that a piece of whole grain bread is worse for me than a Baby Ruth (which is in fact, gluten free).

Rest for the Weary

I have drafted so many posts over the last few weeks and not ever published them. I think that maybe I am just feeling "lack luster" in general and am afraid that has spilled over into my writing. Things are going pretty well right now, and yet I have a serious case of the "blahs". I think it's just a combination of many small little feelings of discontent rather an any one major thing.

We're living with my in-laws while we look for a new place. Overall, it's good. They're easy to live with and it's helping us save some money in the interim. Being around people all the time has helped keep me active and prevented those occasional days where all I do is sleep, lay around, and get antsy. But I miss things about having our own place and it just being us two. Everything here feels "on hold." Plus, the combination of moving a little father out of Buffalo and recently changing churches has separated us from our circle of friends. I'm getting lots of family-social time (which I really do love) but I'm getting next to no friends-time. And it's leaving a gap to be filled. I feel disconnected.

Then there's the pregnancy stress. Don't get me wrong, overall my pregnancy has been pretty uneventful. The second trimester really is the best and seeing so many of my friends have babies this past week has been a real joy. But I find myself fighting insecurity and worry with an alarming frequency.

I'm jealous of moms with great pregnancy style, who get no stretch marks and make pregnancy look fabulous. I feel like I'm gaining too much weight and am going to resemble a zebra before this is all over. And I'm thinking about money more than I ever have. All the things we'll need, the budget once the baby comes, unexpected expenses that might pop up...it's enough to make anyone dizzy. But even more than finances, I stress about being prepared mentally, and get scared about fighting with my doctor over how I'd like things to go.

If you know anything about me and how I dream, you won't be surprised to hear that I am dreaming about pregnancy and babies so vividly that I often have to separate reality and my dreams during the day (are they having a baby or did I just dream that?).

I know these feelings are pretty standard for expectant mothers. And I also know that I can't let them consume me. At the end of the day I just have to give everything to God and rest in Him. I think I'm doing a pretty good job the majority of the time, but there are moments when I just feel weary.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

- Matthew 11:28 -

Harold

(John Paul is the one not smiling)

John Pauls grandfather passed away somewhat unexpectedly this past week. So we are off to Syracuse for the wake and funeral this weekend.

Harold was a very good man and I am sad to see him go. He was very Irish (100% actually), very Catholic, and very kind. He loved the Yankees and being with his (very large) family. He had 8 sons and 2 daughters. He had a slew of grandchildren and great grandchildren. He was charming and witty in a way that I'm fearful will be lost as his generation dies out. He was so funny and always in good spirits. No matter how serious the situation he could make you laugh.

Often when people get older they get bitter. But not Harold. He was a gem.

I didn't get a chance to get to know him as well as I'd have liked having only married into the family a couple of years ago. I often wished we lived closer to we could see more of him. He was one of my favorite people to see at family events.

I was very close to my own grandfather, and it was nice having another grandfather for awhile that reminded me of him. I'll all out of grandfathers now, and grandfathers are very special. Don't take them for granted because they really won't be around forever.

I know that I wasn't close enough to Harold to truly mourn the loss like his family, but I do feel it is a real loss and I am genuinely sad knowing he won't be there at Christmas and will never meet our son, his great grandson.

Hope to see you on the other side, Harold.

Baby Shower #1

This past weekend John Paul and I took a trip down to North Carolina. Predominantly the trip was for my best friend Rachel's wedding (she looked gorgeous!) in Asheville, NC but we also spent time with my family and I decided to sneak in my "home" baby shower as well so that I wouldn't have to make a separate trip back later in the summer (who wants to travel 11 hours in a car when they're 8 months pregnant? It was kind of rough at 5 months).

Since my family is in NC and we now live in NY, we knew we'd end up having two showers. The NY won't be until July, but the NC shower was planned for this past weekend.

I know it's a little bit early for a baby shower but the NC was always intended to be a much smaller affair since most of my friends have moved away from the area at this point. We decided to do lunch at a nice local restaurant with great food. It was great to see my extended family and many friends. Most everyone that came I've known for over a decade. I felt very loved and supported.

 (A peak at the invites)

Oh and thank God for baby showers! It was good to get a start on baby supplies because the amount of things you need for baby can be overwhelming. Even with almost 4ish months to go I've been thinking about how much I need to be doing to get ready. I know these weeks are going to fly by.

Here are some other snapshots from the weekend:

Thanks everyone who came out! 

Read any good books lately?

I'm seeking out a book recommendation. Any suggestions? I would like something just for fun and easy to read, preferably fiction (but if you had your mind blown by something that's fun to read and nonfiction, by all means) but I still want it to have depth and intrique.

Honestly, I have a list of "to read" books 20 miles long and a stack of unread books at home. And I've read a lot of books in the last year. But I have to get excited about a book to want to start it and at the moment I'm just not really excited about anything. Maybe an enthusiastic recommendation would do the trick? Usually when I hear about something and it peaks my interest, I run out and buy it. At the moment, even wandering through a book store I'm not feeling inspired to pick anything up. I must be in a dry spell.

Any ideas?

Also, as I am getting closer to motherhood I'm wondering if I should be reading things to prepare. Yes, I realize no one is ever really prepared for parenthood. But there's probably a lot of things about taking care of an infant that I could stand to learn about. And there must be books out there that help future moms get ready mentally and emotionally, right? Any of my pregnant or new mom friends out there have suggestions? Did you read anything? Do you wish you had? Poetry, fiction, pregnancy...anything?

So there's my plea. Recommendations anyone?

Post-Mother's Day Thoughts

There was some debate going on yesterday about whether or not it was my "first" Mother's Day. I was leaning towards it not being, but I got a lot of "Happy Mothers Days!" and insistence that I was already mom. I guess that is true on some level.

I didn't actually spend the day thinking too much about motherhood. It was a busy day full of family activities and quiet reflection wasn't on the schedule. But today, after reading a lot of Mom posts and facebook statuses, I have been feeling very thankful for two of my biggest supporters in my life. My mom and my husband.

(I was trying to find a picture of just my mom and JP and this one popped up from our engagement party).

When you reach adulthood you realize your parents are human. Imperfect, flawed, mistake making humans. And sometimes that can drive you crazy. It's hard to seek guidance when you feel differently than they do. It's hard not to get angry when you think they're being selfish (and everyone knows parents aren't suppose to be selfish).

But you also start to realize they ways in which you are very lucky to have them and the ways in which they are pretty extraordinary.

When I think about my mom, I am very thankful for a mother who built me up and never spoke unkind words about me. She never tore me down in front of others or otherwise. She always encouraged me and made me feel confident. She was always on my side. She did all this without ever spoiling me or making me feel superior to others. I never felt any sense of entitlement or that I was better than anyone, and yet I didn't feel I was inferior either.

I have only recently realized how rare it can be to have parents who aren't constantly criticizing you or making you feel insignificant. I am so very thankful for that. My mom is a very beautiful lady and has never seemed to regret becoming a mother even for a second. I have every intention of calling her for advice constantly once this baby gets here.

I'm also very lucky to be entering the world of parenthood with my best friend. There are days when I just feel so incredibly thankful to be married to John Paul. I can't think of anyone I'd rather be sharing my life with. He's imperfect and flawed...but he's also wonderful, strong, and really really ridiculously good looking. I'm a lucky girl.

So I guess that is all my sentiment for now. Just feeling very thankful today for the people in my life. I'm not going to be doing this mom thing all by my lonesome and I'm VERY thankful for that. :)

21 Weeks

I'm trying to do bump pictures every so often because I know people like them, but I still maintain that they're kind of awkward to take. So I'm 21 weeks! That means I'm on the other side of halfway. :)

Continuing my little update survey that I stole...

How far along: 21 Weeks

Baby's size: 1 lb! (and banana length apparently)

Sleep: Sleeping okay, occasional restless nights.

Maternity Clothes: I've more or less transitioned into maternity clothes. 

Food cravings: I'm not craving anything but I've been eating far too much sugar as of late.

Food aversions: Nothing at the moment.

Symptoms I have: Still must be having the most typical pregnancy ever since my symptoms always match what my weekly e-mail says. Right now it's stretch marks, leg cramps, and just general tiredness. But overall, feeling really great!

Doctor’s Appointment: My last appointment was great, I won't have another til the end of this month.

Movement: YES! I'm feeling him kick a lot now, but it's still too soft for anyone else to feel other than me. 

Belly Button: Innie...hangin in there.

Gender: BOY! :)

What I’m looking forward to: My NC baby shower in less than 2 weeks! 

What I miss: At the end of a really exhausting day recently I turned to John Paul and said "I already sort of miss being selfish". Anytime I just want to sleep for hours I immediately start thinking about how that's never going to happen again in a few months time. I get tired just thinkin about it, haha.

Diets, Fads, and Health

People have a lot of opinions about food and health. Some people could care less about eating healthy. Some people rely on exercise and eat whatever they want. Some want to eat healthy but don't feel they can afford it. Others still are just so picky it's impossible for them to eat anything nutritious.

Even within the "eat healthy live better camp"  there are still a lot of opinons and disagreements about food and health.

Some say you should only eat organic produce. Others say its more important to eat local produce. Some will say to stay completely away from gluten and grains. Others will tell you grains are okay if they're whole and unprocessed. Some diets make you stay away from oil and butter. Others say as long as its real and raw it's okay. Some people swear by a meat-free diet and others scorn vegetarian diets. And so the list of disagreements goes on.

There are a lot of diets out there.

My parents are very into healthy living and I think we experienced just about every diet at one point or another. I've been vegetarian, I've done the blood type diet, I've done low-carb, I feel like I've done it all. I've always studied and tried to learn and take away the good things about each approach while balancing out the bad things.

Here's my opinion.

While I think some principles are pretty universal, I don't think that there is one diet out there that is perfect for everyone.

I do love writers like Michael Pollen and documentaries like Food Inc. I agree that the American diet is full of over processed unhealthy non-foods. I don't think most people eat nearly enough fruits and vegetables and I do think our diets are meant to be primarily plant based.

But people have different body types and different metabolisms. Athletes, body builders, stay at home moms, diabetics---you can't tell me that they'll all thrive on exactly the same diet.

Environment, body type, genetics, lifestyle...they're all factors. No matter how great a diet is, you really should modify it to meet your personal needs. I realize some people have to really commit to something specific in order to stick with it, but I really don't think any one diet out there has the answer for every single person.

There are a lot of different diets that can work for people and that can be very healthy. Education about how much you need of what and different ways to get those things is key. The main issue to me is actually the quality of what we're eating.

Here are some things that I would call universals:

- Processed food is NOT food
- Real food goes bad eventually
- Refined sugars, white flour, artificial flavors, colors, sweeteners, chemicals etc ---are bad.
- Exercise/staying active is important
- Splurging occasionally won't kill you (though it could knock you off the bandwagon)

Most healthy diets have these things in common.

Here are some of my opinions about the non-universals:

Meat is not the enemy---that being said, most people have too much meat in their diet and often the meat being eaten lacks nutrition because of how it's processed.

Dairy is not the enemy---but again, quality has a lot to do with whether or not you're actually getting any benefits and most people consume far more dairy than is healthy for an everyday diet as it can be very difficult to break down or more difficult to digest when combined with certain foods.

Vegetarianism is not the enemy---vegans and vegetarians often get a lot of flack for their no meat lifestyle, but both can be done in a healthy way. Meat isn't the only way to get protein. And sometimes the unhealthy version is still healthier than the average American diet.

Carbs are not the enemy---while carbs are often linked to weight gain, its the unhealthy processed carbs that are truly bad. Good carbs like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, etc. don't have to be cut out entirely to maintain a healthy weight.

PROCESSED FOOD IS THE ENEMY.

My dad has a happy meal that is 8+ years old and looks...almost exactly the same as the day he bought it (save for a little shriveling). I don't believe that's real food.

People will argue all day long about whether or not certain things are beneficial. A lot of diets like the Spartan diet, the Paleo diet, the Hallelujah diet, etc. focus on eating REAL foods and I think that is good. Most of these diets ARE much healthier than the average American diet that consists of soda, fast food, and a pantry of non-perishables. So if you are doing one of these diets, good for you! I think they can be done in a healthy way.

EATING HEALTHY CAN BE EXPENSIVE

Eating healthy is an investment. I think it's a good one. We spend a lot smaller percentage of our income on food now than we used to (or even most people do around the world) and I think that shows in our health. Honestly though, what's more important that the thing that actually sustains us? Invest in that.

GRACE vs. CONDEMNATION

Lastly, I'm a huge hypocrite when it comes to healthy eating. I know what I should be eating but most of the time I choose cheap and convenient over healthy. I choose my entertainment budget over my grocery budget. AND I FREAKIN LOVE FRENCH FRIES! At the end of the day, what we eat is up to us and it's not our place to make other people feel guilty about their choices. Education and encouragement is good, but condemnation and guilt trips are not. Like I was reading in this blog today, GRACE.

Eat whatever you want on your birthday. Have dessert sometimes. When you are eating out, give yourself (and your waitress) a little bit of a break if you can't find something within the exact limitations of your diet. If you are a guest in someones house---eat what they serve you because its polite. Know when to stick to your guns and when to relax and break the rules.

Yes, the goal should be to take care of yourself and your family the majority of the time. But, it doesn't have to become your god, your idol, or your new religion. Balance is key. No one diet is absolute truth. Do your research, choose what fits your lifestyle and do the best you can.

This very lengthy post was triggered by an upcoming diet John Paul and I are going to attempt (and seeing a lot on the topic in the blogs I read as of late). But more on that later... ;)

So there's this OTHER boy...

My husband was disappointed when halfway through reading my last post he realized it wasn't about him, haha. So I figured I'd give him a little shout out as well! LOVE YOU JOHN PAUL! You are the number one man in my life forever. :)