Anonymous Generosity

Well, Merry Christmas everyone! This has been an interesting Christmas for me. Admittedly I started out this season being a little cynical about how much the holiday is changing. But over the last few weeks I've heard so many stories, experienced some pretty amazing things, and I guess just been shocked over and over. I can't let today pass without sharing some of those stories with you.

Christmas Stories

Maybe the biggest shock for me was when a stranger in line paid for my lunch a couple weeks ago. I was taken aback by the kindness. All he said was "Hey, it's Christmas." I teared up a little walking out the door. I knew it was just a kind gesture because he paid for another woman in line's lunch as well and I overheard his friend paying for someone's lunch one line over. I later realized that the reason it moved me so much was because I was surprised. I had it in my head that people don't much like Christmas anymore. Oh sure you get the rare friend who is obsessed with Christmas, but for the most part what I hear is about how materialistic it is, or how depressed it makes people.

A friend of mine recently was given a shocker of Christmas gift. A car. It was given to her by an older couple that was friends with her family just because they didn't need it anymore and wanted her to have it.

I read a blog post recently about a family being told someone was going to pay for their kid to go to private school an extra day every week.

In fact this year has been filled with even just small stories of kindess. A mom being given a can of soda by a stranger who had accidentally bought two, a mission having too many volunteers to help serve food to the homeless, or even just the fact that I sort of thought people didn't bother with Christmas cards anymore and then received more than I've ever received in my life this year.

Then there was Do Good: WNY, something that my church participated along with three other churches in the area. The pastors, all friends, promoted unity between churches by trading pastors and worship teams for the month of December. Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but if you attend church you know----this is a big deal! There tends to be a lot of competition and criticism between churches and the churches involved in this had some history with that. It was amazing to see the unity, the friendship between the pastors. And additionally we all combined our resources to bless our area. We did a flashmob, handed out gift cards to families doing their shopping, and donated a lot of money to good causes. But the point wasn't "Hey look what we did" it was promoting anonymous acts of kindness  and I saw a lot of it spread around Buffalo.

Did you hear about the donor who paid of all of his local Kmart's layaways? It just seems like I was bombarded with stories of "good will" this season.

I feel like there was a time when Christmas was just a time of year that people did nice things for one another just because "it was Christmas." Maybe their moods were up because it was the time of year they got to spend with family and the spirit of the day was a happy one. Have things changed so much that stories like these shock me? Or am I just getting older and more cynical? At any rate, I feel I've been put in my place a bit this year.

Christmas is still a time for generosity and kindness.

Christmas Traditions

Old Traditions

Growing up, my Christmas traditions were...semi-traditional. We would have a family Christmas party the week before Christmas at my uncles house in North Carolina for my mom's side. It was the guaranteed one time of the year where I got to see my cousins, my Grandma, and my Uncle Billy (my grandmothers brother who was sort of my surrogate grandfather growing up). It often involved Lasagna or Turkey Burgers. My Baptist preacher dad and Presbyterian elder uncle would get into heated theological debates, my brothers would play sega genesis, and my cousin Janet would get teased for having a different boyfriend with her each year.

Then on Christmas Eve we would drive up to Virginia to my grandparents house. They lived in that house our entire lives, we even lived next door to them when I was really little. It is the one thing that never changed. It would be decorated the same every year and there would be piles of presents (hey we were the only grandkids on that side). Our tradition was to open our gifts on Christmas Eve. I don't know how that got started (parents couldn't say no?) but I loved it. Convincing my parents it was time after dinner, passing out the gifts, sitting around taking turns so you got to see what everyone got. I had a tradition of organizing my pile to take my annual photograph of what I got. I still do that even though I've since realized it's kind of ridiculous.

Christmas day was relaxed. Everyone slept in, there were stockings waiting for us full of goodies, and later in life there was a tradition of going to the movies with my dad that formed after my my brothers weren't there on Christmas day anymore.

It was always just us...our little family unit...spending time together. And I thought it was wonderful. I loved Christmas. I got excited all of November and December trying to think of what to ask for. One time we even had a white Christmas.

New Traditions

My grandparents on that side have passed away, my brothers have been dividing their time between their spouses families and ours for years, my husband works most holidays and I live ten hours away from my family. Getting home to see them, and at a time that works for everyone, is increasingly difficult. I won't get to be with my family at Christmas this year and John Paul and I also chose not to do gifts this year (with a couple exceptions). 

As jobs change and kids come our traditions will change. But I have to say I still like the spirit of this holiday. I love gift giving. I love baking and spending time with family. It doesn't bother me anymore to not receive gifts or to go without certain things. I miss my family but I love my new family as well.

I know this is a season met with a lot of varied emotions. Some get depressed because of things lost or things that were never there. Some are cynical about all the materialism and stress that Christmas brings with it. Some go overboard trying to make it more magical than maybe it really is and others obsess over making sure it's exactly a certain way. Yet, I still feel that it is what you make it.

Find the good, make your own traditions, be okay when traditions change, but enjoy the holiday for what it is...an excuse to be together, an excuse to focus on the good things in your life and spread that happiness to others. Whether you are spending Christmas alone, with your spouse, or with your entire family...find some joy in creating new traditions for yourself or being content with where ever you are.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

A Christmas Rant

Before I get to the heart warming stories, I figured I might as well get this off my chest.

I'm so sick of hearing about people making a big deal over holiday and religious related decor/greetings/etc.

Christmas is a popular, nationally celebrated holiday in which government organizations close and people tend to get off work to spend with their family. In other cultures, regardless of religious or non religious, holidays are just part of the culture of the country.

It seems like in the name of equality and secularism we sometimes suck the tradition and culture out our country. Obviously this not universal, it is probably even the minority at this point, but it's enough that larger majorities are forced to tip toe around anyone they might offend.

I guess it's my opinion that part of tolerance and respect of others is being slow to take offense. It's one thing to be offended when someone is attacking you personally or taking away your rights to do something, but celebrating a holiday is not a personal attack. And I think this even applies to businesses and public places. Whether a business chooses to decorate with a Menorah, a Santa, or a Nativity, I think it's kind of obnoxious to take offense.

An example,

I recently heard a story about a manager (who was of a religion who does not celebrate holidays) railing on an employee because they off handedly said "Merry Christmas" to her as they were leaving work. How DARE they say that to her when she doesn't celebrate holidays! They received a long and somewhat hateful lecture.

I'm sorry but I think that is unnecessary and sort of mean. It's okay if you don't celebrate holidays, or don't celebrate them in the same way as another person, but yelling at them for not catering to you is silly to me. This employee was just trying to be nice, didn't know you didn't celebrate holidays, and shouldn't have to tip toe around trying not to offend people who don't celebrate Christmas.

You may not celebrate holidays or Christmas...but can't you just take the gesture of a "Merry Christmas" in grace, smile and knod and let it go? Christmas is an American holiday, it's the most popular American holiday and you live in America. I can't see someone going into another country, say Mexico on Día de Muertos and explaining to Mexicans why they shouldn't be talking about their holiday in public when you don't celebrate it.


Perhaps most people aren't this easily offended, but it's enough that many stores have created a policy of saying "Happy Holidays" and while I understand the neutrality of the phrase, it's seemed to leaked over into everyday life where people get offended if you say Merry Christmas (like the boss above) OR offended if you don't say Merry Christmas because the alternative annoys them (also dumb). People take offense over secular vs. religious decorations in public places, and decades old traditions are being torn apart because "it might offend someone."

I just find it hard to believe that traditions and decorations are hurting anyone. And freedom of religion doesn't mean that you get to go through life without ever being confronted with another belief system...quite the opposite. Regardless of your religious or non religious backgrounds, I think we're all missing the point.

It's just a holiday. It's meant to be fun. We may be taking the entire thing all too seriously. We can enjoy the season and explore the deeper meaning and still respect other people. Greet people in whatever way you want and don't be offended by the differences of others. That is my plea.

Christmas Posts

Christmas is quickly approaching. I've never been the sort to post a lot about holidays. I don't have any extreme feelings towards them such as unquenchable love or dire hatred. I'm fairly neutral---content to find the good and enjoyment in each holiday, but not particularly disappointed if things don't turn out a specific way.

However, this Christmas is the first Christmas ever where I'm not going home for the holiday and that has spurred a lot of sentimental feelings and thought about the traditions and meaning that comes with our countries most popular holiday.

I also have some interesting holiday stories this year. So for the next few days I'm going to be doing a series of "holiday posts" sharing those stories, some traditions from my family, and some thoughts I'm having this year.

For today, I'll just share some pictures from my last few Christmases...oh how time changes things. :)

 Last year when we went down for Christmas there was snow in Virginia!

Our first Christmas as a married couple.

For some reason I couldn't find any pictures from Christmas 2009???

 Family Christmas Photos 2008

(Loved my brown hair, haven't been able to get it the same shade of brown since)

Family Christmas Pictures 2007

The individual families shots---I was the only unmarried Gravely sibling at the time and I was single so this is the resulting picture.