Twins, Genders, and Motherhood in General
I intended to post about surrender today...but isn't it more fun to tease people with talk of babies? (The answer is "Yes").
As I was writing about surrender it occurred to me that though I trust God's plans for our lives and in no way want to rush those plans, I've always had my own ideas about how I think my life should go. And I mean notions about things that I have absolutely no control over so there's no sense in getting attached to them. One examples is...(yes I realize I already gave it away)...BABIES! And I'm not talking about the the when, I'm talking about the what.
We want to be parents someday (revelation, I know). I guess maybe I should surrender even that notion since it's possible we aren't able to have kids, but I figure one way or another (adoption or natural) the desire is in our hearts to be parents. Unless something changes drastically, I think parenthood is a major part of our future. <---emphasis on the word future, noted (this post was not triggered by having baby on the brain).
For years, I have said that I want my kids one at a time and that I do not want twins. No twins. Got that? Okay, good. Never mind that they run in our family and haven't hit anyone in awhile...they're pretty rare right? Look God, I just don't want duplicates okay?!? You can handle that right?????
Then I got married and talking about kids got more serious. So I decided that since this attitude was mostly due to the fact that the idea of learning to be a mom on multiples was terrifying I later revised the statement to..."Okay well I at least don't want twins on my first pregnancy."
Guess what? I have no control over whether or not I will have multiples. (Shocker, I know). And since I know this and kids are not a distant someday (that I can talk about with my girlfriends while picking my future celebrity husband out of a magazine) anymore...well this attitude just won't do. I may get pregnant with twins and I don't want everyone thinking I will be upset about it, cry, or even that I am against other people having twins.
So I decided it was time to surrender that selfish notion. I started reading blogs by parents with multiples (hey, lots of people are successful at this) and making lists of things I want to buy or do that I can only do if I have twins. And you know what? I think I'd be excited about about having twins. Maybe a little more scared, but my heart has changed. Bring em on.
Similarly...I have always had very strong feelings about the genders of my future kids. For the longest time I wanted all boys...maybe one girl, but definitely boys. I figure I'd be better with boys having grown up with brothers and being impatient with emotions. I definitely didn't want all girls...I know those houses and they are dramatic (and also spend twice as much money on toilet paper). Then I got married to a man who wants a little girl...maybe more than one. *sigh* Okay...
These days my ideal is to have both boys and girls. I still have all sorts of ideas about birth order, how many of each, etc....but again...I have no control over that and I don't want people to think I'm not excited about whatever we end up having.
I know that whatever we have and in whatever order (oh and however many at a time) I will be excited. It is not in my control and it will be exactly the kids we were meant to have.
So if I announce that we're pregnant with twin girls in the future...have no fear. I'm totally okay with that.