Marriage & Friendships


So this isn't a post about the importance of being friends with your spouse (though I did read an article on that subject today). Rather, it's about how important or unimportant it is to have friends outside of your marriage.

I'm going to go ahead and start off by admitting that I don't really know the answer. I'm curious what other married couples think about this.

I've heard people insist that it is crucial. You absolutely need friends and an outlet outside of your marriage to keep it healthy and to keep yourself sane. I do believe that interaction with other people is pretty important. But I believe that to be the case regardless of relationship status. Isolating oneself can lead to a lot of problems. Then again, that's not a universal "truth" either. There are always exceptions to general rules.

On the other hand, you can interact with people and have friends without really having friendships. My mom and dad were in ministry so they really didn't have a lot of close friends outside of each other. Sure they interacted with people regularly, but I don't remember my mom going out with girl friends to movies, or on girls nights. We mostly did things as a family. (And they have a fantastic marriage).

Since being married, I've seen it happen naturally. I'm busier so I want my free time to be spent with my husband. I'm not lonely or alone so I don't feel the need to go out all of the time. I don't even feel lame for watching t.v. on a Friday night.

Don't get me wrong, we have some of the best friends and we hang out with people all the time. I love being around people. For that matter I've found I'm in a much better place when I am taking time to get together with other women and friends for fellowship and encouragement. 

Yet, there are days when I miss having a best friend in meet up with regularly for coffee, to confide in all the things I feel like I'm keeping bottled up (even if I'm sharing them with John Paul), to just feel comfortable with and like there is a mutual closeness there. Part of me wants that, but another part wants to be content without it.

I think everyone has a different opinion on this and I'm not convinced there is a right one. It probably depends a lot on your circumstances, your personality, the couple, etc. At the end of the day you learn to be content with whatever your circumstances are, always keep your relationship with your spouse top priority (over friends) and try not to isolate yourself.

Is that enough?


  1. I feel the need to respond to this blog post by repeating what I said at dinner... "Lean on me!!"

    don't be a stranger :)

    glad I have you in my life!! and im pretty much in love with your blog.

  2. Great article! Oh man I feel like this is such a big thing in a relationship or marriage. I'm mean I'm ovi not married but have been in a long term realtionship. At one point during the relationship It was always us too.. We didn't go out with other that much together or even separately. I was ok with it for a while and it bothered me a ton. I feel like it really makes a difference on ur personality as a person and as couple. If you enjoy being around others and getting to know others than it will bother you when you never go out with others. I mean don't get me wrong everyone loves to have alone time with that significant other. I think it's healthy to hangout with others together and then have that person you enjoy going out for coffee or whatnot. I know that John Paul is ur BFF!! That's awesome you can tell him anything! Man I can't wait for that, when I have a husband and bestfriend in one :) I do think having that other friend who you can confide in and go to coffee, movies or wherever is something everyone will eventually need. Maybe when ur married it's a lil different or especially when you throw in children. Hmm maybe that's a good question to ask our married couples tonight!!!

  3. Did you read the guest post on Michael Hyatt's blog today too?? Haha! This subject has been on my mind lately too. I love spending time with my husband and, like you, want to use that precious free time to be with him. But I miss having a best girl friend somedays... I've been wondering how that seems to work once we move on from highschool and college! Maybe it's just part of the newlywed phase? I agree with Lauren - I'm totally asking about this tonight! :)

  4. Ha I didn't read that guest post but it's been on my mind a lot lately! I wonder what the couples will say about it tonight.

  5. Personally, I think girlfriends are just as important to have once you are married as they were before marriage. And even more so once you have kids. I think most people go through a "honeymoon" stage right after they are married, specifically their first year, when they don't hang out with their other friends as much. Whether this is because they have moved to start a new life or simply because they are soaking up their new companionship. I think this is healthy as the first year is a lot of adjusting-- and also a lot of fun! Husbands are great to share everything with and they understand us in ways no one else can, but nothing, nothing can replace the importance of girlfriends! And let me be specific when I say girlfriends-- not just any girl who is a friend, and especially not those who are negative, but those women in your life who understand, uplift, encourage, and push you forward. Those that leave you feeling refreshed. You know the kind I mean. They help us be better wives, mothers, and humans. There's just no denying the beauty of girlfriends!

  6. The answer is neither yes nor no. And when you decide to side with a yes or a no answer you are alienation the other side. To each his own and whatever works best for you is what you should do.