I'm delaying my 18 week update because I've been deathly ill for over 4 days now...and by deathly ill I mean that I have had an awful cold that is in no way life threatening. Taking a bump picture hasn't been on the top of my priority list. In case you were wondering, my "while I'm sick" list goes something like this: 1. Sleep 2. Sleep 3. Sleep.
I'm not a huge baby when it comes to being sick, but the knowledge that I can't really take anything has seemingly compounded my symptoms. And the timing is pretty awful considering we move in 5 days and there are a million things to do. But I'm getting towards the end of it (I hope).
So you know those weekly e-mail updates from all the baby websites telling you about this week in development? I get those. This week my baby is a sweet potato. And somehow the e-mails always seem to confirm whatever new symptom I'm having. The symptoms aren't compounding. I haven't had morning sickness in weeks! Usually I have some new ailment for about a week or two and then it's replaced by some new symptom. But these e-mails always seem to hit the nail on the head with some new change I'm going through. I can only assume that I must be having the most predictable pregnancy ever. This week:
"As your growing uterus starts shifting your center of gravity (belly forward, bottom out), hormones are causing your ligaments to relax and joints to loosen. The result? Back pain and soreness. On the bright side, if you want to know baby's gender, this might be your first week for a sneak peek. "
Ah yes, back/neck pain and soreness. I guess everything is really starting to shift around and stretch out. I also am starting to notice some things going on inside of me. I can tell where the baby is, I maybe can feel it moving around?! I'm not really sure...it's hard to tell at this point. And we get to find out what we're having in a week! I'm incredibly excited about knowing whose in there finally. Everything is slowly but surely feeling more real.
And speaking of reality. I think the realities of motherhood (and all that brings) increase in your mind more and more throughout your pregnancy. In the beginning it's mostly just exciting to be pregnant...but hey it'll be almost a year before anything really changes. As the weeks start rolling by, moms to be naturally start thinking (panicking?) more and more about what motherhood will actually look like and how to prepare.
I've heard stories about moms to be that had very idealized views of motherhood and were shocked to find it wasn't the fairy tale they imagined. I've even seen it happen. That isn't me. I'm maybe a little too aware of all the challenges that come with being a mom. But just like with most things in my life...once my mind is made up...it's pretty made up. I made up my mind that parenthood is worth it, and that I'd better for it. And that was that. I got to thinking about this today because of this post:
I really truly believe that motherhood will change me. It will be hard. I will miss being able to be selfish and may have to struggle not to become resentful at times. I'll probably struggle with insecurity and complain about my figure not being what it used to be. I'm may even get grouchy from exhaustion and wish that we'd waited "a couple more years". But, at the end of the day...I truly think that being a parent is worth it and will change me for the better.
It's similar to when I got married. For years I struggled with whether or not marriage works anymore. The odds are not that great. But I knew that marriage could be wonderful. Not just in terms of happiness, but in terms of changing me into a better person, someone less self-centered. I chose it knowing it would be painful sometimes because I felt it would be worth it. And so far, it really has been. I have never regretted getting married. I feel the same way about parenthood. As much as I know I will have to sacrifice, I have to believe that it will all be worth it and that I'll be a better version of me...stronger, more humble, less selfish and with an understanding of love far greater than I can grasp right now.