A Baby Story

(I don't remember where I found this art work, but I love it)

Do you remember this post from back in July about "The Baby Bug"? That remains my most viewed post to date and it got a lot of response from friends, families, and strangers alike. It was my attempt to be honest about how much I wanted to be a mom, but also my realistic fears about motherhood and what was holding me back. It still captures my heart in a lot of ways and I think a lot of people related to the feeling of having baby fever but also just being honest about all the terrifying things that come with that.

I'm not going to give you any sort of philosophy on when is the right or wrong time to have a baby. There is no right or wrong time. Children aren't like careers or houses...sometimes they're unexpected, sometimes their planned. Sometimes you're meant to have a baby when you're 20 and others not until you're 35. At the end of the day, children are a blessing that should be valued and cherished whenever they enter our lives. And no one is ever 100% prepared for a baby, emotionally or financially. And that's okay.

So what changed for me since that post back in July?

To be honest...none of those fears have gone away. But that's okay. I think they're normal and they were never things that would keep me from having a baby. They were just things that I wanted to be prepared for. If anything now that I'm pregnant I have even more fears about motherhood. Becoming a parent is probably the biggest change I'll ever go through in life. 

It's also ridiculously exciting for two people who have always wanted to be parents. Exciting and surreal...it's hard to believe it's happening. Are we really here? All my life I've felt like a child looking towards some far-away adulthood where I'd be married and a mother...and now I'm that adult looking back?

Not too long after that July post, John Paul and I sat down and had a conversation about starting a family. For the first time ever I admitted that I was actually afraid of. It wasn't finances, it wasn't losing friends, it wasn't my body changing or wondering if I'd suck at parenting. It was us. I was afraid that having kids would take a toll on our marriage and we'd lose what we had. That was my true fear. Once I finally admitted it and we talked about it...even made some commitments to ourselves to always work hard on our marriage and put it first...well...all the other fears seemed insignificant. The thing that had been holding me back was finally admitted and we knew we wanted to start our family as soon as possible. The fear isn't totally gone but saying it out loud made it a lot less scary.

The journey from there to here was an eventful one and John Paul and I are so happy about becoming parents. I am incredibly excited about becoming a mother and that will probably leak over into my posts often. It is such a wonderful thing to bring life into the world and to put someone else above yourself.

So I hope my honesty doesn't come across as a terrified woman who isn't ready to be a mom. I just

always want to be transparent. I don't think pretending there aren't challenges helps me or anyone reading about my story because it's only part of the picture. I believe the journey into parenthood is beautiful and completely worth it. But it is certainly not easy or painless. There will be fear. There will be tears. And there will be pain mixed in with the joy.

Family is one of the greatest gifts we get in life. A flawed messy gift at times, but a wonderful gift none the less.