There is a tension inside my heart.
I am very concerned with personal and spiritual growth. I am also a huge advocate of education and having well developed thoughts. Throw into the mix a love of the arts and a desire to understand other faiths and viewpoints and well...lets just say I do a lot of reading. I can't separate myself from the world and it's issues, nor do I think that would be the right thing to do.
But more days than not, I just find it all exhausting. I dream about an isolated little safe place away from all the problems and issues of the world and culture. I don't want to think about important things or try to put into action my convictions. I just want to escape...
Perhaps it's because I'm getting older. Each passing year I feel the burden getting a little bit heavier. You know, the burden of friends and family who you care deeply about and just want to see them "get it together," the burden of trying to sort out all the most important issues facing culture and still keep your integrity intact, the burden of holding onto beliefs and opinions in a climate where you will never be able to please everyone, the burden of knowing you can't fix the world but you have to live in it positively and effect it anyway. That burden. I find it nearly impossible to be completely carefree even on the good days.
Yet isn't that the tension? We wouldn't want to be totally isolated, we want to make a difference. But at the same time, we long for something more simple. A hard days work, a loving family, reading on your porch with a cup of coffee taking in the summer air. Those moments.
Both are good. So the challenge is to balance the two. Find the simple joys in the simple moments. Get rid of the excess in your life whether it be "stuff" or "drama". But always grow, engage, and impact your world.
I know, easier said than done. That's why it's called a challenge and one that I've embraced. And when the challenge seems overwhelming, I remember that I can find peace in any circumstance...peace beyond my own understanding....