I think we all have days when we feel a little lost or misplaced. Days where you recite in your head over and over "For I know the plans I have for you..."
Today seems to be one of those days for me. I'm the queen of pros and cons lists. I don't think there's ever been a major decision in my life where I didn't list out the positives and negatives. I did this for college, I have to admit I've done it for relationships, and last year before graduation I made lists of pros and cons for the three cities that seemed like the most obvious locations to potentially move to.
The good thing about these lists is that they are practical. You can see on paper in one place all your concerns/fears about a decision and all the potential good that may come from it. It gets those thoughts out of your head where they are swirling around without any organization. And ironically the point isn't necessarily to pick the one that has the least risks and the most things that seem right...it's just to see what it looks like and pray about it. I've often come to the conclusion that I'm suppose to be somewhere that has a very long "con list" but it still seems right.
The bad thing about this habit of mine is this---I'm planning. There's nothing wrong with having a plan, there's nothing wrong with the things I was planning: College, Marriage, Where to Live, What church to go to, etc. They are all good things. But the problem is, God doesn't want to be included in our plans. He wants to do the planning.
I know that for me, that's really what I want at the end of the day. No matter what it looks like, I want to be a part of God's plan, not my own.
Of course there are days when you just don't know what that looks like yet. Often you have to seek Him or wait on Him. Those are the times that it is most tempting to take things into your own hands. That doesn't mean you can't be actively waiting by serving God where you are in the meantime. But somedays you just don't know what your future holds...and it is on those days I learn the most about surrender.
Everyday is a practice in surrender. Surrender my selfishness, my need to know the future, my desire to have control, my own plans for myself, surrender surrender surrender. Surrender can be difficult, a discipline, but it can also give you so much peace. Surrender lifts the burden of having to sort out your own life...and gives the burden to someone who already knows the plans He has for you...
"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."
- Psalm 143:10