I. Am. Hollywood.


If I had it my way, these things would all be true about Hollywood:

- Michael Bay would be limited to 30 minutes of "action" in every film. -
- James McAvoy would only do period films. -
- Chord Overstreet would be Michael Tyler's son so that his mouth would make more sense to me. -
- Actors that are not American would be required to have their country of origin in parenthesis next to their name. -
Christian Bale (British)
Stephen Moyer (British)
Ryan Kwanten (British)
Anna Paquin (New Zealand)
Jim Carrey (Canadian)
and so on...
- Actors would only be hired to do an accent in a movie if someone from where ever the accent is suppose to be from approves it as sounding authentic ahead of time. -
- Movies set in Boston would be limited to one per year. -
- MTV wouldn't be allowed to air any reality tv shows. -
- John Williams would never die. -
- Leonardo DiCaprio would win an Oscar. -
- Animated films wouldn't be eligible for the "Best Film" category at the Oscars...which would always be limited to 5 films. -
- Actors wouldn't be allowed to get divorces. -
- Taylor Swift would forced to release an album that had no references to past boyfriends whatsoever. -
- Jeff Bridges wouldn't be allowed to shave his beard. Ever. -
- Paul Walker and Channing Tatum would take acting lessons until further notice. -
- Filmmakers would be required to put a "My Agenda" disclaimer on every movie they make. -
- Comedians would have to do 500 hours of stand up for every bad movie released. -
- Arrested Development wouldn't have been cancelled. -
- George Lopez would be allowed to keep his show, but no one would be allowed to laugh. -
- Fox would only be allowed one new show a year and unable to cancel it...better make it count. -
- Food Network "Nighttime" programs would air 24/7 -
- You'd have to actually be good at something to be famous. -
- Professional wrestler's wouldn't be allowed to make the crossover into film. -
- HBO would release DVDs with two versions of their shows. -
- I'd kick out Ted Turner, just cuz. -
- Sports would always be aired in HD. -
- You'd be able to buy cable by the channel. -

Alright, Hollywood. Anytime now.

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