There's Something in the Water

"And the daily engagement and pregnancy announcements continue... #thelifeofatwentysomething :)"

About a month ago I tweeted the above statement. I didn't mean it as a negative (note the smiley face) but more just as a matter of fact. I am in my mid twenties---the next two decades will be full of announcements. We're adults and these are normal milestones that begin to happen with increasing frequency in adulthood (until it peaks and the trend starts to go the other way). 

Graduations, new jobs, moves to new cities, engagements, weddings, pregnancies, travels...these are big things, exciting things! Yet they seem to be met with a mixture of strong reactions and with more frequency...negativity or annoyance. It's a little disheartening to me. These are milestones meant to be met with joy...so what's the issue?

Here's some of the possibilities I've come up with in my musings:

1. The Constant Barrage of Announcements

People seem grumpy about the amount of announcements. Maybe they're not against your pregnancy specifically, but you are just one more announcement in the sea of estrogen. Maybe it's just annoyance at the general excessiveness. Or maybe, the constant reminder that you are not in that phase.

2. Being in a Different Place in Life

There is a very wide range of reactions when you're not in the same place as others. For all those single people out there seeing the influx of milestone announcements, it can incite a reaction anywhere from jealousy to disdain. If you want those milestones, and don't feel anywhere close to attaining them, seeing the announcements can make you depressed, sad or jealous. It can be hard to be happy for others when you're hurting. On the other end, maybe you don't want those things right now, or ever. It can make you feel outcast, weird, or judged to want nothing to do with marriage or parenthood.

3. Lack of True Community

I think what it comes down to is lack of true community, or at least, an excess of superficial community. And yes, as usual, I am picking on Facebook a little bit.

Facebook and other social media sites allow us to stay up to date on the lives of...well everyone we've ever encountered if we really want to and they agree to participate. For example, I've been able to reconnect with people I went to elementary school with. Without Facebook I'd probably have never seen any of them again much less known about their marriages, kids, and divorces. But I do know about those things. Unlike any generation before mine I suddenly know whats going on in each and every one of their lives whether I really know them on a truly personal level or not.

Now obviously, I enjoy the benefits of Facebook and social media even as I am being critical of them. I like knowing whats going on in the lives of friends I don't have the time or ability to keep up with otherwise. It's also enabled me to develop better relationships with acquaintances. But the downside is this barrage of milestone announcements from people we aren't close to anymore or barely knew to begin with. In a way, it is devaluing the announcements for those people making them and the people who really do care about them.

4. Self-centeredness

I'll admit I am excited about reaching my own milestones and I selfishly want my friends and families to be as excited as I am about them as they come. 

Everyone has insecurities, and most people care what others think on some level. So whether we are being annoyed at the barrage or are feeling hurt by friends we expected to share our joy...we're all pretty focused on ourselves and how all these milestones make us feel.

I guess my challenge is this: Regardless of which side you fall on...try to consider the other person. Whether that means being understanding of the friends who are reacting unpleasantly or choosing to celebrate the joys of others even if they cause you pain or just plain annoy you. Part of building real community is the willingness to invest in others.

So here's to milestones: marriages, babies, or lack there of...we're all celebrating life together.

Occupy Facebook or Don't

I feel like I spend a lot of time annoyed and discouraged because of the climate of the culture we live in. The climate I'm talking about is the ability to share an opinion on a platform to hundreds and the constant bombardment of endless information right at our finger tips. It's also the fact that no matter how educated you are, we live in a society that values disent and individuality. 

For example, Facebook---the ultimate social media platform at this moment in time. The place where people cannot STAND to not share their opinion about EVERYTHING that happens in the world.

I'm not saying there aren't benefits to having access to information or benefits from having Facebook and social media, but I am surveying some of the damage. 

Awhile back I decided that if something blew up on facebook, I would make an effort not to acknowledge it in anyway. I decided this because of a trend I saw and often participated in. Since the current "event" is Occupy Wall Street, I'll use this as an example.

Step 1. - Event Occurs that Gets a National Response

Occupy Wall Street Starts and eventually floods to social media. Everyone is outraged, people start posting their support. References to Robinhood and V for Vendetta begin.

Step 2. - Someone Posts a Counter Response in Response to All the Support Shown on Facebook

This is the counter that calls out the protesters for the flaws in their stance. Because many of the poor in our country are lazy and feel entitled to handouts which is not fair to people who worked for their money. Because we have the freedom in our country to work hard---that's the American Dream. And because most people hate the people with the money because they want it themselves and think they deserve it.  

Everyone smiles and smirks in approval...good point here...that'll show 'em.

Step 3. The Counter Response to the Counter Response

Someone points out the flaws in the first response. States how they don't understand the real issues, how hard workers are getting screwed over because of things like fraud and greed, things that are in fact illegal in some cases. Everyone reads it and goes...oh okay that makes sense. Person one clearly was not well informed.

Step 4. The Counter Response to the Counter Response of the First Counter Response

Someone points out that no matter how poor we are in America we're still the wealthiest people in the world. Maybe they elude to the fact that most people in the U.S. who are "poor" or under the poverty level still own tv's and have running water. Then they bring up the fact that even the homeless have places to go (charities, homeless shelters) for food, and that if worse came to worse they could steal because there is food to be had. Meanwhile in third world countries, there isn't even clean water if there is water at all. 

Hmm. Perspective. Clearly neither group has a grasp on the big picture...this will make them both feel stupid!

Step 5. Responses Start to Emerge to Point Out How Everyone Arguing is Really Apathetic

No matter what your point of view, you're really not doing anything but talking so what good are you? I am going to point that out and make you all feel stupid.

Step 6. Jokes Responses Begin

People start making jokes about the situation to further demonstrate how ridiculous we all our and both sides are not fully in the right. Plus it gets some laughs which gives you affirmation without you ever having to take a side.

It doesn't matter what the situation is, serious or not. Whether it's Steve Jobs death (We love him, what a loss! Why he wasn't really a good man let me tell you why. "Something funny about Steve Jobs"), Charlie Sheen's fall from grace, Kanye's VMA debacle, a natural disaster, or a political outrage---IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER. 

We all get to have an opinion made public. No real conversations are had---just passive agressive, predictable, trendy, back and forth that eventually fizzles out until the next big thing happens.

People can't seem to STAND not giving their opinion.

Other people can't seem to STAND to let any opinion go unchallenged.

Still others can't stand to let anything get too serious since it's Facebook after all.

Perhaps there are benefits to all this faceless banter, but to me it's just depressing. Our relationships are more shallow, even intelligent people can be made to look stupid (no exceptions regardless of stance), and there is a serious and constant overload of information harassing our senses. And yes, even as I write this rant, I know that someone somewhere will have a logical critique of it.

In fact, I'll critique it myself. I'm sharing my opinion here...on social media no less...it reeks of hypocrisy doesn't it? And by not choosing a stance on the issue mentioned...well I'm just apathetic aren't I?

It's all so very predictable.

I'm gonna drink this Tim Horton's coffee and hope I'm awake when I finish writing this...

I've been off facebook for one week today.

So far, I've failed miserably at making any sort of real process on my grand plans. I didn't exactly expect some revolutionary change to happen just from something as simple as deactivating my facebook account. But I did want to use it has a stepping stone towards some better habits. Some of the benefits I was hoping for have come to pass, but mostly the lack of facebook is just making it painfully obvious how incredibly lazy I am.

I blame this partially on exhaustion. I'm tired. All the time. Sometimes when I come home at the end of my workday I just have no desire to read another sentence or use my brain at all much less do anything physical other than the routine removal of shoes and beeline for the couch. Oh and I'm out of shape, for sure. It is particularly difficult to be motivated when you have no energy, and more so in the dead of a dark winter. I like to eat healthy, and I want to exercise. But at the moment I'm not which is probably at the heart of my lack of energy. And while it goes against some of my strongest ideologies, we're eating "cheap" rather than "healthy" during our "tight on funds while moving to a new place" transition.

Hmm...what other excuses can I make? Busyness? Sure sure. Distraction? Perhaps. But ultimately, my lack of action is probably just a very deep seeded habit of laziness. I've always forced myself to be productive so I've accomplished much in life all things considered...but it's still something I have to make myself do and I still waste so much of my time. Normally, I use deadlines as motivation. Since I have no real deadline for personal growth...it seems it is going to be a slow process...