24 Week Update and the "What If's"

(Here's my poor quality make-shift bump picture for the week, haha.)

Continuing my little update survey that I stole...

How far along: 24.5 weeks

Baby's size: Over a lb, over a foot long, some would say cantaloupe-ish in size

Sleep: Still sleeping okay, but it's getting progressively more difficult to get comfortable 

Maternity Clothes: I cannot wear anything but maternity clothes at this point 

Food cravings: I just want to eat healthier than I am, no specific cravings

Food aversions: Not really

Symptoms I have: Newest symptom: SWELLING, I stopped wearing my rings about a week ago and last night my left ankle (yes just my left) was noticeably larger than my right

Doctor’s Appointment: See below

Movement: See below

Belly Button: Still an innie but not for long...

Gender: Boy! (Unless the doctor got it wrong...)

What I’m looking forward to: Setting up a baby room

What I miss: Alone time with my husband is already becoming a precious commodity

Well, I am over 24 weeks. Only 3 1/2 months until baby makes his entrance into the world. Yes...that's right...THREE AND A HALF MONTHS! I don't know about you, but that doesn't seem very far off. This pregnancy is flying by. I'm trying really hard not to run out and start making purchases and signing up for classes. I have a tendency to "jump the gun."

I have a pretty active baby. I've been feeling light kicks for a few weeks but John Paul only just finally felt the baby kick this past week. I also had my 4 week check up and little Mr. did not like the heartbeat monitor. No matter where it was on my belly he would give it a hard kick which I found pretty amusing.

Just a couple days ago I wrote about the weariness and worry that can accompany pregnancy. It's good to bear your soul sometimes and be reminded that its okay to have real feelings. Sometimes it does your heart a lot of good to just admit your fears out loud. Only hours after posting I found myself filling up with contentment as I had a much needed date night with my husband. (We saw What to Expect When You're Expecting---timely). I've been feeling more like myself the last couple of days.

I think every expectant mom, at one point or another, thinks about the "what if's". What if something goes wrong... What if I lose the baby... What if the baby is born and somethings is wrong...

A couple of weeks ago I had a 3 day stretch where I went from feeling the baby kick every day to not at all. And it scared me. I wasn't panicking but it was definitely in the back of my mind. My mom lost a baby to still birth. She was showing and had been feeling the baby kick for awhile and then all the sudden it just stopped. She didn't feel the baby moving anymore because the baby had died. Luckily for me, after about 3 days he started back up with a vengence and I was relieved. But it was a scary feeling.

I think the real fear is of the unknown. When you're struck by a tragedy, it's at least something tangible that you can feel the pain of and eventually find healing. Miscarriages are especially difficult regardless of when you lose the baby. But "what ifs" are a plague of endless possibilities...

I have a feeling that the "what ifs" are just something that come with motherhood and loving another person so deeply. While its not ever healthy to let worry consume you there is a certain amount that seems to come with the territory of being a parent when things are "off". You know, like when you leave your baby overnight for the first time...  When you daughter says she'll be home at 10 but its midnight and you can't get her on her cell-phone... When your son tells you he's being deployed to Iraq...

Yes, there will be many "what if" moments I imagine. Hopefully they will be few and far between as I trust the Lord with my child's health and future, but I know I will have them.

Oddly enough thinking about this just makes me smile. The love of a parent is a powerful, deep, scary, mysterious, beautiful thing. Isn't it?